Anticipation and Autism

There are two types of Anticipation I believe - when you expect something good or something bad. For example you can look forward to a birthday party, or you can dread a letter coming through the door because you are thinking it will be bad news.

And yes, there is also anticipation from OTHER people around you.  They have their own positive and negative expectations that will impact you and others around you.  And some of them can be related to you and the circumstances surrounding you.

Or for example, you could be thinking about a celebration and the commitments that  it involves.  Maybe you have to have someone round, or go somewhere that isn’t going to work for the person with autism.  And, you know, it IS possible to say no to events if it would cause you more stress than pleasure.  Then you can do what you need for your family to help them be safe and happy.

For myself, dealing with a child on the spectrum who is anticipating either something bad or good can turn into a bit of a nightmare.  As you are no doubt well aware, most children on the spectrum find it hard to control their emotions and their emotional maturity happens at a slower rate than children that aren’t neurodivergent.

So what I tend to try and do is take things down to trying to make the anticipation of the good things to a maximum and the bad things to a minimum.  And when there are multiple things that have “gone wrong” and he is starting to get into a terrible state, we tend to have things around that he can use and focus on.

And so that Johnathan continued to anticipate his birthday with pleasure I made sure to keep his birthdays small.  No visitors and he HATED the song “Happy Birthday!” so I would call the nursery or school or whatever to be sure they did NOT mention his birthday in case the children decided to sing to him.  One year, it turned out I didn’t have anything ready on the day so I asked him what he wanted and he said “jam tarts” and so that was what he got!  Of course, he got other things, but I asked him what he wanted for dinner and that was his response.

So I believe the important thing is that the anticipation can be managed in advance where possible.  You choose how you want to do it, but just make sure you know you can deal with the anticipated consequences of whatever you do.