Expectations on Autistic Children

One of the biggest things I think parents of children on the spectrum find awkward to deal with is expectations.  I find it easier to have clear expectations laid out for the child prior to where they go if we know something will be difficult or awkward for them.  Because sometimes their emotions just get in the way and they don’t know what to do, so they go from 1 to 100 in less than a second!

When we first took Johnathan to a place where we could have lunch, play in a soft play area and then paint ceramics, we didn’t say anything to him prior to going in and OH MY GOODNESS!  It took us AGES to get him IN the car, then we had to get him strapped in the seat and he was SO UPSET.  You see, he had enjoyed it so much he wanted to stay and look after the place when the ladies went home.  

Didn’t matter what was said, Johnathan was in a terrible state about it.  We had quite a scenario in the car with him screaming and crying and we had music on that he liked but nothing would console him!  In the end I think (thank goodness!) he fell asleep.  

So we decided next time that we would lay out expectations BEFORE we got there.  And that if he fulfilled our expectations, he would get a treat (small toys we have he likes) for being good.  Fact is, he wants to get a treat and it is so much better to get him to understand and follow the expectations than having a bad time out.  That time was SO much better.

I think, for Johnathan, knowing he will get a treat if he fulfils expectations is best.  Now, your child’s idea of a treat might be different to Johnathan’s.  Maybe your child likes to spend time with you, or read a book, or go out to the park, or see a friend.  It doesn’t matter WHAT it is.  Use it wisely and pick your battles.

Over time we have discovered what motivates our son.  It’s not easy, but it is doable.   And whatever you do, it makes sense for you to have a cut-off signal you use so that they know whatever they are doing must stop in (whatever your child finds the easiest way to stop).  For Johnathan it’s half an hour countdown in five minute intervals and then at the 5 minute mark we do every minute and warn him he needs to finish up.

It takes time, deliberation and listening to how the child copes with finishing that works.  Not what YOU want to do.  Because your expectations are loaded on them.  But if I can do it, you can do it.