Expectations

Johnathan and I had a complete day together alone yesterday.  Kevin had gone IN to work so, other than the carer coming for a couple of hours, we had to spend time together.  Mentally I was still calming down from a medical appointment that had caused me annoyance and immense stress.  But we had agreed that we were going to do some watercolours.

Now I had bought a watercolour paint set - one for each of us so that if he wants to do it when I’m not here or vice versa.  And I thought it was quite interesting to see the different things we did.  I think it was because our expectations were not the same.  

I have been doing some painting by numbers on the ipad and looking at the colours as I do so.  And noticed that some garish colours (in my opinion) can be used and it actually looks different when it is put next to another.  Also I have been reading from some artists that they look at how the colours they are going to use for a piece go together.  So I thought it would be good to open the paints and experiment with mixing them and seeing what colours they made and if they felt right together and if the paintbrush I was going to use felt right to me.  You see, when I use a pen or pencil, I need to know that they “feel” ok before use.  

Johnathan, however, started putting colours straight onto the colour card that was there.  And he just opened the pad that came with the set and went somewhere in the middle, so that he could do two pages together.  I had started on the very first page in the book.  But I knew he would go any place in his book and that’s fine if that’s what he wants to do.  And the colours he chose to use were very different to mine.  

Expectation.  We sometimes live by it and occasionally, at times, it can defeat or uplift us.  When I moved to Scotland, I missed that part of communication and family and home.  Although I wanted this to be my new permanent home, I didn’t have any friends or family up here with me.  So I was looking for it.  Hunting for it.  Desperate for it.  But people didn’t have the same expectations I did.  They didn’t need another member of their family.  Or weren’t looking for another friend.  But MY expectation was that I was missing it so I was searching for it.

But you know what, when the expectations are different, you can be disappointed.  I met Kevin and we married.  He was the perfect husband for me.  And we are a family.  Kevin, myself and Johnathan.  Well, I say just three of us, but there are six other babies in heaven waiting for us to get there.  I would have loved to have a large family, but it seems it was not to be.  

So when you set expectations, try to be sensible with them.  And remember other people may have other expectations to yours.  My expectations about the painting for Johnathan and I to be completely different was correct.  It was a good thing we had a separate set of materials because I know his method of creating art would be essentially opposite to mine and that this was the best way to prevent arguments.