Conversation or Communication
Conversation or communication - so what do I mean as being the difference? Well, actually, quite a lot! As a young lady coming out into society, they were expected to learn how to converse - ie when Elizabeth first dances with Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, she talks to him about the art of conversing while dancing together.
When you are talking at a person, ie something like a teacher telling the children in a classroom what she would like them to do, it’s not something that creates dialogue between teacher and pupil, as they are talking to a class or group. Afterwards, they is likely to go to some of the children to check the child understand what was meant and there, you would have communication between one pupil and the teacher.
I don’t have good entry veins and often I can have someone with me 15 or 20 minutes or even half an hour, trying to get blood from me. I know some of them are talkative if you start a conversation with them, but generally they are trying to get blood out of me, not learn my life’s history. However, as a patient, it can be rather disconcerting to have some next to you for that length of time, trying to find a vein that will let them take blood. I have often said there should be a conversation book so it isn’t. I have known doctors go into something like surgery so that they don’t have to talk to people much, while some are more personable and able to maintain good communication.
So then, what’s the difference that I am making today about conversation and communication? When only words are used, sometimes it’s easy to misunderstand because there’s no communication that goes with it. So even a text message or email or what have you can be deceiving without the face of the person or the tone of the voice.
When you have an autistic person, they think in black and white terms and don’t know the nuances that can be made in conversation. I remember when Johnathan was oh goodness, about 3 years old I think, he drew a face and showed it to me. He had put a mouth and nose in it but no eyes! So I asked him what else he thought was on a face. He looked at me blankly and in the end I said to him that he needed to put two eyes in! He leant over the paper and then very proudly showed me what he had done to complete the face. He had done what I asked (in his mind) and put two ii’s on it.
Having lived with autistic people for many years now, I have made my conversation much plainer so that communication is complete. However, even with the effort I make, mistakes are still present. If I think there could be the slightest chance of getting something I want done incorrectly, I question Johnathan to be sure he understands.
When I first came to Scotland there were many conversations that confused me or the Scottish people I spoke to because there was a different meaning to words that either I or they didn’t know. So if there is confusion, the best thing to do is check what is meant. And thereby have real communication.