Birthdays

Yesterday it was Johnathan’s birthday and I would guess the most normal of all of the ones he has had.  He is 10 years old and we have seen him grow and develop and finally begin to learn how to make friends.  But parties are a complete no-no.

Whenever I thought about having children, one of the things I fantasised over was having massive parties for them and making cakes and celebrating with them.  So for all my children that went to heaven, I had to give them up to reality.  And yes, it was hard.  If somebody old dies, they’ve gone through the years of celebrating and you have many memories to share.

Having said that, when I had Johnathan and realised that he was as (well I don’t know how to say it but here goes - the best description I can give) not really needing friends because everything else was enough, I understood that he wouldn’t LIKE any parties.

You see, Johnathan doesn’t like a lot of noise and the WORST song in the world for him to hear was “Happy Birthday” and I knew at parties THAT was what he WOULD hear. I realised that it wouldn’t be fair to make him listen to it and hear the sound of the children laughing and cheering afterwards.  So I just couldn’t do it to him.  Just felt like it would be torture and unfair.

Many children on the spectrum DON’T like parties and loud noises.  And because Johnathan was one of them, the few party invitations he did get, I refused on his behalf.  I would also warn the nursery and school and after school care that it was his birthday and he didn’t like hearing the song or his birthday being made public.  So I asked them to be completely quiet about it.

And quite frankly, Johnathan was really happy.  He didn’t miss the children coming round and bringing presents and party games and such like.  Most years Kevin or I have managed to get him a birthday cake.  There are only two we have not.  One was when he asked for jam tarts instead of the birthday cake and the other was last year when we all had covid and I had to ring a friend to drop a couple of muffins off for him!

So birthdays are different for him, but happy.  He loves to just have a day where we are more focused on him and sometimes his grandparents have picked him up from nursery or school as a treat.  Because that is HIS way of a celebration and that’s fine.  I don’t really mind.  He is my amazing child, a gift from God, beautifully intelligent boy who is kind and compassionate.

Just because it’s something WE want, should we force it on our kids?  I think not, but I know I may be in the minority.  Do you think it’s fair to them?