Arguments and Determination
One of the most exhausting, delightful but frustrating things about children on the spectrum is their determination. Now of course this can be used for good or bad. Any child is challenging but a child on the spectrum is like at least 10 times more.
And as much as I love Johnathan, once I realise we have started arguing again I try to stop it. Generally it doesn’t work for me to say something about it and Kevin has to come in and explain the difficulty or issue to either Johnathan or myself. Often it’s actually a misunderstanding in communication.
I have had a talk with Johnathan about our arguing and he has admitted he doesn’t enjoy arguing with me either. So now, when I begin to feel that there’s going to be any disagreement between us I will state that I do not want to have an argument with him so I will state my opinion and that will be the end of the discussion.
Admittedly, out of all the different ways I have attempted to stop arguments, this one appears to be working. I’m not saying it will continue because we do seem to have a volatile relationship. But if we can prevent arguments, that will be truly amazing!
When you are looking after children - especially one on the spectrum, it’s a good idea to know which battles you are going to face and what you will let slide. It’s not that you are lazy or incompetent or anything like that. The fact is, an argument is extremely exhausting and you need to have not only the energy but determination to carry it through to its conclusion.
Now of course there are situations where determination and the ability to take things to the conclusion is an absolute advantage - say any athlete of any discipline. Or an architect, getting the training needed to plan out building a structure. Basically, really, I guess, any business or anything you need to work at.
For example, Johnathan is determined to learn the three different Japanese languages and anything he can about Japan and its culture. Now I have absolutely no desire to do so, but he has now done over 150 lessons on an ipad app EVERY day. How’s that for determination?!