Arguments and Autism

Well, what can I say about this?  It’s very easy to get caught up in an argument with an autistic person.  But, having thought about it, I do believe that there are times that the autistic person isn’t actually arguing for the sake of arguing.  I think they actually think they are right and you are wrong so they just repeat what they believe to be logical.

Some days I find it almost impossible not to argue with Johnathan.  Sometimes I wonder if it’s our natures being too closely aligned in a creative way so we just wind each other up.  He is extremely creative and inventive.  And his creativity is different to mine.  We just butt heads very easily.

When I met Kevin, I discovered that nothing I could do or say would cause him to argue and often I would end up giving up.  If he wasn’t going to respond, why keep trying, you know?  There just wasn’t any point.  And he can keep his cool for a long time.  He says that he only loses his temper when he needs to.

Johnathan and I together are a very different matter.  We end up in arguments before I even know where we are.  I said to him one day that I didn’t like fighting him but I always seemed to be doing it.  Did he enjoy it?  No.  He doesn’t enjoy arguing with me either.  So we have determined that if we hear ourselves fighting we will say to one another and stop.

So now that I have made that promise with Johnathan I do find I am much more aware of when an argument is about to start or when it begins to get out of control.  Once I notice, I do something about it.  I think it will get better with time and practice as it has already improved.

Arguing with an autistic person is TIRING.  VERY TIRING.  You need to have lots of energy if you decide to do so.  And if you want an autistic child to do what you want, the alternative is not to get drawn into an argument (as you can see I find it tough).  

I can’t remember if I’ve said before or not, but I decided with my first pregnancy, I was NOT going to argue about food with my child.  A child needs to eat and drink whether they like it or not.  But if they weren’t going to drink just water, then whatever fruit juice or juice drink or what have you they would drink was fine.  And if they would eat, well, that’s great.  Johnathan didn’t feed himself until he was (I think I’m right in saying this) 3, nearly 4 years old.  And if we had to feed him to get nourishment in him, that was what I was going to do.

If you’re going to pick a battle with your child, then you need to be sure that you are prepared to take the time to and effort and energy to win it because you will find it is necessary.  And I have found it best not to start an argument if I can avoid it.  With an autistic child the arguing is MUCH harder, so be prepared.  They are not being bad or naughty, they are stating what they believe to be right.